


TEARS ON THE RUNWAY

by TopherIsATribble



Category: Three Days Grace (Band)
Genre: Angst, Depression, Goodbye Het, Heartbreak, Het and Slash, I don't fucking know what will happen okay?, M/M, Mildly Dubious Consent, Multi, OOCness, Pre-Slash, Self-Harm, Short beginning chapters, Slash
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-07-08
Updated: 2015-07-10
Packaged: 2018-04-08 06:12:06
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 10
Words: 7,072
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4293795
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TopherIsATribble/pseuds/TopherIsATribble
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Neil is straight. Matt isn't. Matt is in love with Neil. That's how it goes. Or is it?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Yo, so, I was going to do a word of the day thing in a fic form using OCs, but this started to come out of it and since I want it to get more naughty than is allowed on that site, I figured I'd post it up here and extend it in two different directions.

The first thing Matt did when Neil told him he had a girlfriend was throw the glass in his hand at the wall. 

It had shattered loudly, just like his heart and feelings at the words Neil had said to him. How could Neil do this to him, after all the shoulder touches, the poke wars, the laughing, the matching tattoos, the deep stares into each other's eyes? How could Neil do this to him after stringing him along for so many years, from the time Matt was a ninth grader and Neil was a senior?

At Neil's confused expression, Matt tried to pass it off as no big deal, even though it clearly was. Matt was hurt, destroyed inside. But Neil knew his best friend well enough to know it was a big deal, had seen the gazes from Matt more often than not.

"Matt... Come on, man... You know I'm straight. It was only a matter of time before I found Janin, or another girl, and you know it." Neil tried to be reasonable with his words.

"That's bunkum and you know it," Matt said to Neil, growling at the idea of Neil being straight. "If you're so straight, then what about us? What about everything that we've been through together? What about all the shoulder touches, the matching tats, the nights we've spent together awake? What about all that?!"

"Matt, man, we're best friends, but we aren't a couple. We've been friends for almost twenty years now. The more time you spend with someone, the more you start to do things together. Come on, Matt. You know this."

"Then why the hell did you kiss me?!" Matt screeched at Neil.


	2. Chapter 2

The room was silent a moment save for the audible pounding in Matt's chest as Neil tried to think of what to say. It was terrifying to Matt, to say the least. He couldn't help but wonder what Neil, the man he had fallen so hard for, was thinking.

"I... I was drunk, Matt." 

That was all Neil said, and it infuriated Matt to no end. 

"THEN WHAT ARE WE, NEIL?!" Matt screamed, so loud, so angry, so passionate that Neil cringed at his tone. "WHAT DO I EVEN **MEAN** TO YOU THEN?! ABSOLUTELY NOTHING, HUH?! I SHOULD HAVE KNOWN YOU'VE BEEN STRINGING ME ALONG FOR TWENTY FREAKING YEARS!"

At Matt's questions and accusations made something bubble up inside Neil. It was anger, and pain, and fear, and regret, all at once. And soon enough, he was growling back at Matt.

"Why does everything have to be so freaking categorical to you, Matt?" Neil sneered at the man who was five years his junior. "Some things just don't fit into the caregories you want them to. No matter how hard you try to get that square peg in the round hole, Matt, you'll never do it. You'll just be the five year old that doesn't realize the world doesn't freaking care about him, that he doesn't matter. So keep trying, Matt, by all means. It's about time you learned that you can't change the world." Neil sneered once more. "Come back to me when you realize that I'm not yours and you can accept that." And soon Neil was grabbing his things and heading out the door, slamming it and leaving Matt's head spinning, the room silent behind him.


	3. Chapter 3

Neil awoke to the hollow sound of someone banging on a thick piece of metal. He didn't know the time, the place, or anything about where he was. He could barely open his eyes without a blinding headache, having to shut them quickly before managing to see anything of his surroundings.

He groaned loudly, his hand quickly moving to cover his eyes as he let out an agitated sigh. "Where am I?" He asked quietly, having an inkling, but not quite sure. 

A man about twenty years Neil's senior and twice as large huffed back. "What, you don't know?" The man asked incredulously and Neil groaned back. The older man huffed again and stopped his banging on the metal bars that surrounded them.

"You're up the river, kid," the man said almost softly, but still gruffly. Neil didn't respond, and the man huffed again. "You know, the can, the hoosegow, the slammer?" The man heard Neil groan and watched him open his eyes. "Good, you're finally up, now I can sit." He shoved Neil off the bench he had previously occupied, Neil falling to the ground and groaning.

"What the hell, man?" Neil growled, getting to his feet and stumbling drunkenly, growling louder at the smirk upon the man's face. "How about I bash that smug look on your face in, you jerk?" He growled, lunging at the man just as a guard came by and called out.

"Sanderson! Come with me!" The guard, who had to be younger than Neil, was calling for him.Neil cringed at the use of his last name, crawling out of the cell as it was opened. "You've been bailed out," the guard said. "We're going to let you off this time. Don't screw it up." Neil nodded as he was ushered out to find out who had bailed him out. God, he hoped it was Janin. He hoped he had called her and proven his loyalty despite not knowing what had happened since leaving Matt's place the night before.

He swallowed as his possessions were returned to him and stepped out to see who else's face but Matt's? Neil groaned at the site of the younger male.


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, yeah, I realize this may be fairly OOC but it's for the plot, and it'll work eventually.
> 
> \--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

It was silent a moment before Matt spoke.

"I see you're glad to see me," he murmured, rolling his eyes as Neil stumbled. "Man, being drunk as fuck hasn't worn off yet?" He asked, looking Neil up and down. "I got here as fast as I could. I was three towns over for a friend." He swallowed as he looked at Neil.

Neil had seen Matt's eyes travel the full length of his body, growling. "Cut the fucking bullshit, Matt. I don't even know what fucking happened." He swallowed angrily, his breath hitching in his chest as Matt shook his head and rolled his eyes again.

"Let's get you to the car first," Matt said. "Then I'll tell you what I know, you ungrateful asshole." He huffed as he took Neil's arm and dragged him out toward his car. "I got Brad to take your car back to your place. You're lucky I actually give a shit about you." And soon Matt was opening the door and sitting Neil inside, buckling him in before climbing in himself.

Neil was silent the entire way to the car, figuring if he couldn't bite back at Matt, he would at least give him the silent treatment. It was aggravating to Matt, quite honestly. 

"You could fucking thank me, you know," Matt huffed, starting the car and pulling away toward the scenic route to Neil's place. 

"And why the fuck should I?" Neil snapped at the younger man, drunk and angry. "It isn't like I fucking asked you for help."

Matt cringed ever so slightly but kept his eyes on the road. "Actually, Neil, you did. I was your one phone call, and I bailed your ass out, and I came to get you, because you decided to head out to a bar and get drunk and get in a fight after fighting with me. And don't worry, I wasn't stupid enough to look your girl up and call her, because I don't want to ruin that for you even after you fucking strung me along," he growled. "Even though you went to a fucking gay bar, Mr. Straight as a fucking ruler."

Neil himself swallowed. 'It was the closest place to go get drunk," he said quietly, shrinking inward, trying to justify what had happened. "I fought with my best friend who fucking revealed he has fucking feelings for me and got pissed that I'm straight and in a relationship. I just wanted to get drunk." 

"Keep telling yourself that, Neil," Matt growled. "It was you who kissed me, drunk or not. It wasn't the other way around." He huffed. "If this is how it's going to go, I'm going to drop you off and then you can get out of my life and find yourselves without a frontman again. I only did this for Brad anyway, after he lost Adam." 

That was a lie, of course, and both Matt and Neil knew better, but it was another breakup that had left Three Days Grace without a frontman in the first place. For some reason unknown to anyone but the two involved, communication between Brad and Adam had dissolved and led to fights and Adam leaving the band with angry, passive-aggressive notes on social media about the rest of the band. Brad had been heartbroken and lonely and Matt wasn't about to let his older brother down.

Still, Neil was still drunk and angry and Matt was hurt. Neither was thinking rationally and it came down to a single word between them for the decision to be made.

"Fine," Neil growled. 

Matt gulped and fought the tears that threatened to fall, silent for the rest of the ride as he made his way to Neil's place, dropping him off without a word. He let Neil stumble out of the car, watching a moment before forcing himself to tear his eyes away and drive home. It took him the time to get inside and sit on his bed, his best friend's jacket still on the floor of his room, before he let his tears fall.

"Fuck you," he whispered, then a little louder. "Fuck you. Fuck you. Fuck you." Soon enough, Matt had dissolved to sobs as he pulled Neil's jacket on and curled up, sobbing himself to sleep.


	5. Chapter 5

Three days. Three days was what it took for someone to notice something was up. Three days was what it took for Brad to show up at Matt's place, worried as hell that he hadn't seen or heard from his little brother for three days, that three days of getting together had gone by with no one having a clue where Matt was. Three days of Matt refusing to change his clothes or take off Neil's jacket despite the growing heat outside. Three days of Matt refusing to leave his room except to get food or water or relieve himself.

Three days.

Soon enough, it was 11 in the morning and Matt awoke to a pounding at the front door and the doorbell ringing, his older brother shouting loudly enough to outdo the mics they used at their smaller shows. 

"MATT, I SWEAR TO GOD, IF YOU DO NOT COME OPEN THIS FUCKING DOOR I WILL FORCE MY WAY IN THERE AND MAKE YOU REGRET IT! GET YOUR ASS TO THE DOOR NOW!" Matt cringed at how loud his brother was, how relentless he was. Still, Matt stood and lethargically moved to open the door, wrapped in Neil's jacket, entirely too large for his own small stature. His eyes had bags under them, and he was starting to show a bit of a shadow on his chin. His hair was entirely messed up and his eyes were puffy and red from tears that had fallen in the night.

"What the fuck do you want, Brad?" he asked wearily, too tired and depressed to truly be showing any anger or bite in his words. "Did you really have to wake up the whole neighborhood?" He clutched the jacket closer, almost afraid that it would be snatched away from him.

Brad took in the sight of his younger brother and his eyes widened. His jaw tightened and he swallowed hard, Adam's apple bobbing. "You look like shit, Matt... I've been worried about you. And in case you haven't noticed, it's eleven. Everyone was already up." He pursed his lips, his eyes showing concern for Matt.

Matt sighed and ran a hand through messy black hair, some of it falling out at his touch. "If you're here to criticize me, you can go." He swallowed as he tried (and failed) to let the hair in his hand fall to the floor unnoticed, but a black clump of hair falling to a white tile floor is easily noticed.

"Fucking hell, Matt," Brad said, stepping in and closing the door behind him. "What the hell happened to you? Four days ago you were perfectly happy. You were excited about our tour. And now you're missing practices and it's like I don't even know you anymore." Concerned eyes searched Matt's own, the younger man gulping, trying his hardest not to cry. The lump in his throat wouldn't vanish, and he clutched Neil's jacket closer to his skin, silent.

Brad picked up on the gesture and realized that the jacket belonged to his high school friend, was far too large on his younger brother. Matt could practically see the gears turning in his older brother's head as he put the pieces together.

"Matt... Come on... Please tell me what happened... It's okay, I'm not gonna judge you... You're my brother. I love you." Concern plastered Brad's face, nothing else, as he watched tears start to fall from his brother's eyes.

"I... I quit, Brad... I can't do this. I can't do this. I can't fucking do this." Matt reached up with one hand to wipe his tears away but more kept falling, replacing them, and soon they were streaming down his face as he launched himself at Brad for a hug, desperate for human contact now. 

Brad waited patiently for Matt to speak, holding him tight, close. "It's okay, Matt... It's gonna be okay..."

"No it won't," Matt snapped through his tears. "I'm sorry... I... I'm not mad at you... I... He... I'm in love with him, Brad... And he kissed me a few months ago when he was drunk and I just... He told me about his new girlfriend and treated me like shit for bailing him out... And I can't take this. It hurts too much." He sobbed. "Neil hurt me..."

Brad sighed softly, holding Matt close. Twenty years, shattered in an instant. "And he was still drunk when this fight happened... Am I right?"

Matt nodded before burying his face in his brother's shoulder. "I... I told him I only joined for you... I threatened to leave... And he said 'Fine'. And I know you had it so much harder with Adam, you guys were actually together, but... I can't do this."

Brad hugged him closer. "Yes, Matt... You can. You're so strong, I know you can... You obviously aren't ready to let him go, you're still clinging to his jacket... Tell you what... I'll talk to him. And then you can come to practice at 5, after you get yourself cleaned up and fed. Okay? And if something happens, we'll deal with it. I'LL deal with it. I promise." He paused. "Okay?"

Matt hesitated before nodding against him, but refusing to let go. Brad sighed, running a gentle hand through Matt's hair, more of it falling out. "You're too stressed... It's all going to be okay. I promise." He held Matt close until he felt the younger man's grip loosen. 

Matt stared at Brad, eyes red as he clutched the jacket tighter around him. "M sorry, Brad," he murmured.

"Don't be." Brad hugged him gently once more. "I love you. I'll see you at 5." 

Matt nodded, watching his brother head out the door. Brad had been there for a half hour or so. Matt did the math in his head before going to shower and change, setting the jacket aside to put back on afterwards.

Five and a half hours left until he had to deal with his pain directly.

And soon enough he was done showering, and started to shave. And in his mental haze, he cut himself while doing so, and for a moment, the pain brought him back to reality instead of the fog of depression, and he debated before snapping the razor and pulling out the blade, slicing a single word into his arm.

Neil.


	6. Chapter 6

Brad was not happy.

How could someone who had been as close as family for years hurt his little brother like that? While Brad had always thought that both the men were straight and just got a little too close when they were drunk, he fully believed and supported Matt's admission. He himself had had his heart broken by another man, so he could understand where Matt was coming from. And he didn't like seeing Matt hurt.

And so here he was, standing outside Neil's house. He rang the doorbell and crossed his arms, waiting impatiently for his friend to answer the door, foot tapping hard and fast on the pavement. He was not expecting a woman to open the door, considering Neil's car was the only one outside besides his own. She looked at him expectantly, smiling before speaking. "You must be Brad, nice to meet you. Can I help you?"

He swallowed, taking a deep breath, trying to keep his voice even. "I need to talk to Neil. Now, preferably." He stopped the tapping of his foot but his arms stayed crossed. "You're Janin, I'm guessing," he said with a soft huff. "Um, nice to meet you too. But I really need to talk to Neil."

She frowned slightly. "Well, he just got in the shower. You can come in and sit and wait for him maybe? He shouldn't be long." The look on her face was confused; this somber man was not how Brad had been described to her as before. 

Brad hesitated before stepping in. "It isn't anything I haven't seen before. You get used to it on tour. I'm going to go talk to him. Thanks for answering the door, Janin. It was really nice to meet you." He managed to keep his voice from wavering, brushing past her despite her quiet protest.

He didn't even bother to knock on the bathroom door, which he knew Neil had a tendency to forget to lock in his haste. He opened it and stepped in. Neil, not looking, spoke from within the shower. "Janin, I'll be out in a few, go watch something on the TV or something," he said.

"I'm not your fucking girlfriend." Neil froze at the familiar voice, swallowing. "And you have some fucking explaining to do."

Neil bit his lip a moment and forced himself to breathe so he wouldn't yell and alarm his girlfriend. "Brad, what the FUCK are you doing in my bathroom while I'm fucking showering? And what the fuck do I have to explain? I did nothing wrong."

"Oh, really, Neil? Maybe you can explain to me why my brother has missed three days of rehearsals. Or why when I went to confront him about it he was dehydrated and thinning and losing hair and clutching your jacket like it was keeping him alive." Brad was growling now. "Or why he broke down in tears and told me he was quitting the band."

"What?" Neil's voice said, sounding genuinely confused. "He has my jacket? He's quitting the band? I thought he was sick or something... I don't know why you'd expect me to explain. Or why he wouldn't tell me he's quitting. I'm his best friend." Neil frowned, finishing up and turning the water off, reaching for his towel to dry himself off before wrapping it around his waist.

"Don't play stupid," Brad growled. "You're the first person he told. And he told me that you were the one who was okay with him leaving. He's fucking hurt, Neil, and you're the one that did it." At the puzzled look on Neil's face, Brad reached out and slapped him hard across the face. 

"What the hell, man?!" Neil barked, hand flitting to where his face was now reddening. "I don't know what the fuck you're talking about, man, he said nothing to me!" Neil's accent got thicker in his anger and hurt.

"YOU BROKE HIS FUCKING HEART! HE'S FUCKING IN LOVE WITH YOU! YOU FUCKING KISSED HIM! He bailed your ass out of jail after YOU called HIM and then you tossed him aside. You hurt Matt and he's been neglecting himself for three days because of it all!" Brad slapped Neil again angrily.

"What the fuck, man? Don't scream, Janin can fucking hear you!" Neil snarled quietly. "I was DRUNK. He got pissed off because I have a fucking girlfriend and I'm straight and he's not. I have nothing against him but he can't hold who I am against me."

"Oh, are you, Neil? Or are you just fucking in DENIAL because YOU'RE the one that kissed HIM? I got him to come back for today but if you fuck this up, our lives are over. He doesn't deserve this hurt. He fucking loves you and he has for twenty fucking years. Figure it out, Neil." With that, Brad turned to let himself out of the bathroom, slamming the door, passing Janin on his way out.

All Brad heard as he sat in the car were the screams of his high school friend and the girl he had just met, hearing her tell him he could go fuck himself for using her and him screaming back that he never loved her. Soon enough, she was out the door, too, slamming it louder than Brad himself had. He drove away to go back to his house where they would all be in an hour.

Hopefully.


	7. Chapter 7

Matt absolutely wasn't ready for this. He wasn't ready to feel his heart break all over again, wasn't ready to see the face that he now loved and hated so much. He wasn't ready to see the results of what his brother was talking about earlier. He certainly wasn't ready for Barry to see him like this. He was sure Brad would have given Barry a heads up not to mention it. 

Matt had neglected to feed himself or drink anything, instead favoring to take a long walk before making his way to his brother's place. He was exhausted, and even though he had showered and changed (though he was still wearing Neil's jacket), he was still visibly worn out. He had put on a ball cap to keep any more hair from falling out and prevent himself from letting his hands run through it.

Soon enough, the dehydrated, hungry man reached his older brother's house, sweating in the heat but refusing to remove the jacket. He tiredly opened the door and walked in, frowning at a picture of all four of them. He flipped it over before calling for his brother. "Brad? I'm here." He huffed softly as he moved to collapse on the couch a moment.

Brad made his way over to where he had heard the voice, frowning as he looked at Matt. "Matt, man, take that jacket off, it's too hot." He moved to the kitchen to get his brother a glass of iced water. "Have you eaten?" He was sure he knew the true answer, but he wanted to see if his brother was going to lie.

Matt swallowed. "I'm not taking it off." And he pulled his knees up to his chest, curling inward, antisocial. "They're not here yet, are they?" he mumbled, trying to deflect Brad's question. He looked at his phone; it said 5:20. 

Brad huffed, starting to make them each a sandwich. "No, they're not. I told them not to come until six so that I could make sure you'd show. And I'll take that as a no, and I'm not going to leave your side until you eat." Other than the two of them, the house was silent. Soon enough, Brad finished the sandwiches and brought them over and the glass of water for Matt. He sat next to his brother, setting the food on the coffee table and pulling his brother close. "I promise you, Matt, it's going to work out."

Matt swallowed. "M not hungry... And I doubt it will." He curled into his brother's arms, shivering. "And M cold..." He pulled the jacket tighter around himself as he felt Brad put a cool hand to his forehead, one that usually felt warm.

"Fuck, Matt, you're burning up... You need to drink some water and get that off. I'm fucking serious, this isn't a joke." Brad tried to pull the jacket off of Matt, who clutched it closer.

"NO! I'm NOT taking it off, Brad, fuck." Matt growled. Not only did he not want the chance of losing the jacket, he didn't want Brad to see what had transpired right after he had left, either. "I'll drink your stupid fucking water, okay?" 

Brad forced himself not to recoil at Matt's words, handing him the glass of iced water, not wanting to fight and take any more out of him. He pulled Matt closer, so concerned for his little brother. "You need to take care of yourself, Matt... I can't lose you, too." He made sure Matt drained the glass before standing to get him more, watching a little of the color return to his younger brother's face.

Matt looked at his brother tiredly, wearily, anxiously. "I'm not ready for this... I just... He... He's so into her and he fucking kissed me, Brad." Matt looked at him helplessly, draining the second glass of water and curling up tiredly into the corner of the couch.

"Well, Matt... She didn't seem so into him after hearing that he kissed you. In fact, she left him pretty fast." Brad sighed.

Matt looked at him, horrified. "I... He's gonna really hate me now..." More tears fell and Brad went to fetch another glass of water, trying to keep some in his little brother's body. Matt glanced at the clock on the wall. 5:55. He swallowed, terrified. "They're going to be here in five minutes," he murmured, overestimating as Barry stepped in the door. Matt cringed away, trying to hide his face, that he had been crying. 

Barry glanced at Matt before stepping inside to talk to Brad in the hallway, whispers leaving the room that Matt couldn't make out other than hearing his name and Neil's name a few times. He tried his best to dry his eyes and make it look like they weren't as red as they really were, standing and excusing himself to the bathroom, brushing past the two older men as nonchalantly as he could to splash some water on his face and lift the sleeve of the jacket, staring at the red marks on his arm, the barely set scabs. He heard someone clear their throat and looked up in the mirror, quickly pulling down the sleeve in time to see Neil's face.

"I think that's my jacket." Neil cleared his throat again and Matt looked at his phone. 5:59. He swallowed and turned to face Neil.

"So what?" He stared at Neil defiantly, growling his words out. "You left it at my place. Tossed it away like you did to me." He swallowed, trying to hold his resolve as he turned back toward the mirror. He splashed more water on his face as Neil moved up slowly behind him, gently pulling the jacket off of him and setting it aside, eyes widening at Matt's wrist.

"Jesus, Matt... I..." Neil couldn't form his thoughts.

Matt growled back. "You what? You're done? You think I'm fucked up? Well maybe I am but if so you're the one that fucked me up."

Neil recoiled. "I was going to say that I'm sorry, Matt... I'm sorry." He turned Matt to face him. "You're my best friend, I-"

Neil's words were suddenly cut off as Matt kissed him, deep and full.

As soon as it had started, the kiss was done, and Matt pulled back. "I'm sorry," he murmured. "You should never kiss someone without their consent. Or risk hurting them. Or-" 

Matt's own words were cut off by Neil pulling him close and kissing him again.


	8. Chapter 8

Soon enough, both men were pulling away for air. Tears fell from Matt's eyes as he kicked the bathroom door closed behind them, to get them away from Brad and Barry for a few, just so he could breathe without looking like a total fool. He pushed Neil back off of him and returned to the sink, taking off the baseball cap and cupping his hands for water to pour over his head. He bent over the sink, sobbing, as Neil watched helplessly.

Eventually, Neil pulled Matt back to him, then sat on the floor, pulling Matt down with him and into his lap. He hugged Matt close, huffing shakily as Matt continued to cry. He turned in Neil's lap to hug him closer, kissing him deep again, needily, like a teenager moving away for college and trying to hang on to that high school relationship. He sighed shakily, pulling away again.

"I've loved you since the first day of freshman year, Neil... I... I can't keep doing this if you're going to keep changing your mind and leading me on. I fucking can't. I can't go without feeling something again, I have to feel something other than numb or hurt." He tried to keep his words even, but his voice cracked. 

Neil moved to kiss Matt's wrist, then kiss him gently again. "And... I need to stop denying it. I... I have feelings for you. I don't know if they're love yet, but I do. And Matt... If you're going to do this, you need help. We have fans that count on us to get them out of this stuff... You can't fall into it too." He held Matt close. "I'm sorry, Matt..."

"I am too, Neil..." Matt murmured, cuddling close in Neil's arms. "I... We better get out there to them... I think they're expecting us to practice for our tour." Neil nodded, but pushed the jacket away. "Neil," Matt whined, drawing the older man's name out into 3 syllables.

"No... This needs to be out in the open. So it doesn't happen again... You can have it back before you go home tonight. Okay? You obviously want it more than I do." Neil shook his head, opening the door.

"It... It smells like you," Matt murmured almost ashamedly. Neil snickered and shook his head. He hugged Matt close a moment more before standing and helping Matt to stand as well.

"You always were the sentimental one." He laughed once more, pushing Matt out the door, both of them seeing Brad and Barry in the hallway with eyebrows raised.

"Can we practice n-" Brad started to ask as his eyes caught sight of his little brother's wrist. He gulped. "Matt?"

Matt bit his lip before nodding. "Yeah... right after you left this morning... I... It was stupid. It's not going to happen again."

"It better not." Brad sighed. "Are you guys okay enough to get this done for now?"

Matt and Neil nodded simultaneously. "We'll finish dealing with it later," Neil said. Matt hesitated before nodding as if to say 'Yeah, what he said.'

Soon enough they were heading to the room they kept to practice in. Brad and Barry looked at each other and asked Matt which song he'd like to start with, the youngest man still looking so fragile and exhausted. Matt ran a hand through his hair, more of it falling out, as he thought. "Let's do I Am Machine."

Everyone nodded, watching a small clump of black hair fall to the floor before they started in on the song. It was the most passionately they had ever played a song in rehearsal, all of them, especially Matt, feeling every ounce of it in their lives at the current moment.

They continued to run through songs, until finally it moved into a longer jam session of just playing what they wanted out of what they knew, whether they would be playing it at the shows or not. Last To Know, World So Cold, most all of their darker music got a run through. Finally, Matt was too exhausted to continue, and he collapsed on the floor, passing out cold.


	9. Chapter 9

Matt awoke in his own bed about five hours later.

It was unexpected to him, and he struggled to sit up. The room was fairly dark, with only the light of a dim lamp. He glanced at his phone, which had been plugged in, glancing at the time. It was 4:03 AM and he winced, weak. He turned to look at the rest of his room, wiping his eyes so he could see better. There was a glass of water on his bedside table along with a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. He turned his head to see Neil asleep in a chair against the opposite wall.

"Neil..." he murmured, the older man jumping awake at the sound. He hadn't been sleeping heavily, been worried about Matt now that he had seen what the past five days or so had done to him.

"Matt... It's 4 AM, you should eat and go back to sleep, you need the rest..." Neil was concerned for his best friend. Matt realized he was still fully clothed, and pulled off his shirt, then his jeans, groaning. 

"I guess I am a little hungry," Matt murmured, picking up the sandwich and taking a bite, his stomach growling at the taste. He hadn't realized how hungry he actually was, and he quickly ate the sandwich before downing the tall glass of water beside him.

"Good," Neil murmured, watching him eat. "I... I guess I should go take the couch... You passed out and hit your head pretty hard. I was just a little worried, I gave your keys to your brother... He'll get your car home in the morning... Do you need anything?" Neil was concerned, felt bad about how he had treated his best friend, had seen what had happened.

"No... I... I think I'm good," Matt murmured. "Except maybe the light." He hesitated, unsure of what else to say. Neil moved to turn out the light after nodding. 

"I'm going to go take the couch... I'll see you in the morning," he murmured, starting to walk toward the door.

"Neil... Wait." Matt swallowed and Neil stopped in his tracks, turning and nodding in the dark, puzzled. "I... Will you stay with me? It is a king size... I just... I don't want to be alone." He swallowed. "You don't have to undress or anything either... Or say yes. I just... I thought I'd ask."

Neil debated a moment before stripping to his boxers to get more comfortable and climbing in beside Matt. "It's okay... I... I get it. I'm not sure I want to be alone tonight, either." He swallowed as he moved to gently hug Matt close a moment. "You're still my best friend, Matt... And I'm really sorry about everything... I wasn't ready to admit that I might not be the straight rock star." He sighed shakily, gazing into Matt's beautiful blue eyes.

"I get it," Matt murmured back, gazing back into Neil's own eyes. "I hid it all through high school and before I joined you guys because I was scared of judgment and even more scared of you guys. But I've been in love with you for what seems like forever, and I'm sorry... But I don't want to ruin our friendship either. I need you." He cuddled close to Neil. "You're amazing, and I didn't just join for Brad. I joined for you, too, and I shouldn't be scared to admit that." He sighed shakily.

Neil nodded. "I'm not going to toss away this friendship for a girl ever again... I need you, too, Matt. You're my best friend and we need each other." He held Matt close. "You should get some sleep... I'll be here in the morning. I promise." 

"Don't let go, Neil."

"...I won't."

Matt moved to kiss Neil gently, cuddling closer and burying his face. "I love you, Neil..." He quickly fell back asleep in Neil's arms.

Once Neil was sure Matt was asleep, he too managed to drift off, murmuring softly as he did so.

"I love you too, Matt."


	10. Chapter 10

Matt awoke to the smell of eggs and bacon. 

He rubbed his eyes tiredly, looking next to him, the bed empty. He looked up at the time. 10 AM. He'd slept another five and a half hours from when he'd fallen back asleep. He groaned as he got out of bed, noticing aches that hadn't been there before. He figured they were from falling and passing out, which he now understood absolutely sucked. He groaned and pulled on a pair of jeans and grabbed his cell phone before making his way toward the kitchen.

"Smells good," Neil heard behind him, causing him to jump. He turned to face Matt, taking a breath before smiling gently at his best friend. He tried to fight it but before he knew it his eyes were traveling down that chest he knew so well, had seen so often when in the close proximity to it that a tour bus provided. He heard Matt snicker as he snapped his attention back up to Matt's eyes. "You like what you see, don't you?" Matt taunted.

Neil tried to fight the blush that barely colored his cheeks. "I figured after you scarfed that sandwich down in the night you'd want some real food. And maybe all I'm thinking is that you're too thin." Neil stuck his tongue out at Matt, trying his best to hide the truth, only to see Matt roll his eyes. "Okay, fine, Matt, you got me. Now are you going to get your ass over here so you can eat or what?"

Matt snickered and smiled at Neil. "I'm coming, I'm coming... Give the poor cripple a break."

Neil rolled his eyes. "Oh, please, you fell once, that doesn't make you a cripple. Get your ass over here." He snickered softly as Matt made his way over, but soon Neil's eyes were widening as the stove was turned off and Neil was being pushed against the counter in a heavy kiss.He didn't know Matt had this in him after all that. He melted into the kiss a moment before coming to his senses and pushing Matt off. "Y-you need to eat."

Matt huffed at that. "Come ON, Neil... I'm fine..." He pulled Neil back into a kiss, pressing himself against the taller man, kissing him deeper than he had ever kissed anyone else in his life. Neil was stunned, couldn't react except to kiss back for a moment more before pushing Matt off of himself again.

"Matt, I'm not fucking kidding. You need to eat. C'mon." Neil pulled away and dished out some food for the both of them, hearing Matt whine behind him. He huffed, holding his resolve and handing Matt the plate with more food. "Eat."

"Fine," Matt growled, grumpy. Still, he moved to go sit down at the table so he could eat, huffing as he did so. Neil lagged behind a minute, trying to calm himself down from the short period of time he had been held against the counter. soon, he moved to sit by Matt, who had already started eating and was scarfing down his plate.

"I told you," Neil murmured, shaking his head with a chuckle. 

"How did you make this so good, fuck, Neil?" Matt asked, his mouth full, causing Neil to chuckle once more.

"That's what happens when you've barely eaten for five days, Matt. You get hungry. I'm gonna get us both some water, you need it and I'm thirsty." Neil stood and filled two glasses with water, bringing them back to the table for himself and Matt. He set one down in front of the younger man, who chugged it quickly, causing Neil to laugh once more.

Matt huffed again. “Okay, fine, yeah, I get it, now quit fucking laughing and eat. I want to at least watch a movie with you if you’re gonna be over here.” 

Neil rolled his eyes. “Okay, fine, whatever, you win.” He started in on his own plate of food, hungry as well but nowhere near as hungry as Matt had to have been after the past couple days. He finished eating shortly after, when Matt had already finished his plate and downed his water. Neil quickly drank his as well, taking both plates and glasses and cleaning them off before putting them away. He returned to the couch shortly after and sat next to Matt. “Put on what you want, I’ll stay that long. I have to get home and feed the cats too at some point, though, Matt.”

Matt was too focused on Neil, and Neil looked at him curiously. “I want to watch you too much,” Matt murmured, pausing a moment to let that sink in as he gazed into Neil’s eyes. He bent over to kiss Neil, less desperately than he had in the kitchen, this time more gentle and loving. Neil pulled away after a moment, causing Matt to whine.  
“Matt, shut up for a minute, okay? I’m just going to put on some music.” Neil moved to the stereo, turning it on and plugging in his iPod. “I made up this playlist while you were asleep last night before I crashed out... I figured it would work if we’re gonna spend some time together.” He pressed the play button and returned to Matt as the song Call Me by Shinedown came on.

Matt took a soft breath as Neil sat next to him. “Whatever you’re comfortable with, Neil,” he murmured, looking at him to make sure the older man understood exactly what he was saying.

“I’m not sure even I know what that is, Matt... But I’ll keep that in mind.” He hesitated, debating a moment before pulling Matt close. 

Matt smiled, moving to kiss Neil deep and full again, still gentle, however, and slightly cautious. He moved slowly, deliberately, guessing that this was quite possibly Neil’s first time ever being close to a man in this capacity. He slowly moved closer, breaking the kiss for air as he gazed at Neil.

Then Neil’s shirt came off.


End file.
